Every now and then we need to set the record straight. Whether that is at home, having been taken for granted by the rest of the family or even at work when our boss can’t stop pushing that annoyance button.
When we do speak up for ourselves it is often fueled by a passion for what we believe in at the central core of our being. Often this can lead to petty arguments between the parties involved and isn’t very nice. Especially when people move into the personal abuse territory to further state their point to the other party.
There is always two sides to a story
While we all like to believe that we are absolutely correct in what we believe in, this often isn’t so. This is unfortunately the pivotal point where things often turn sour.
Instead of engaging into a lively and productive “argument”, we start to abuse, scream and shout. Regardless of the place where the argument takes place, we can still act like humans and not turn into some alienated zombie instead.
After all, we are supposed to be adults.
So while we take a stand on our own belief system, we should always be open to what the other side has to say. Often we grow into certain beliefs without questioning them and my rant yesterday has brought this to the surface of my consciousness.
From the resulting discussions that have evolved on this blog, as well as on Skellie’s blog I have learned new things, both about myself and others.
The way we interact with each other, forms the basis of our inter personal relationships and is all we have. It is the grounds on which we form friendships, business relationships and life.
Does this mean that we have to start agreeing with each other more?
No way - actually having a healthy discussion about a disagreement can open up new doors for us like I found out. It engages our intellectual side and triggers our mind to think further from what is being discussed.
- A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.
- Kenneth A. Wells
For some reason we seem to often forget this part. We address a concern we have with another party and before we know it, we have made an enemy for life. Fortunately this doesn’t have to be.
We can still have entirely different opinions, but at the same time learn some valuable new things we never considered before. Since we all like to be acknowledged for what we are worth, it is easy to go beyond a normal discussion into a heated argument.
People are passionate and have feelings
Therefore it is even more important to acknowledge the opponent for what they are and treat them with respect, despite the argument.
Listen to what they have to say, even though you feel and “know” you are right. In the end you might not be, or at least not in its total entity.
When it comes to arguments I normally tend to stay calm, focused and look at the other side of the story without trying to judge them by it.
Do I always succeed - no way!
But at least I’m trying. What about you?
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I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Tina Russell
Monika, I sense you could have said much more on this subject matter. One of my core beliefs is meeting people where they are , not where you expect them to be. Unfortunately, in my opinion civilized society doesn’t necessarily teach mutual respect for one another much anymore. Its now all about looking out for yourself. Respecting another’s opinion while disagreeing with it is a lost art form these days. Again its that dog eat dog mentality. Take what you can and damn the consequences to the others feelings or personal integrity seems to be the order of the day. The next time you are in a disagreement listen closely. In most cases the personal barb will stuck in your backside in the first 5 minutes of your discussion. Presenting your point of view with passion will get you labeled as intolerant. Good post my dear and thought provoking at least for this guy.
Hi Monika
Nice article. I think most people don’t know how to have an argument, the kind where feelings are aired, but nobody is put down and life can continue on afterwards. Many people think if you argue then you’re not being “nice” to them, when in fact we can’t all live peacefully together unless we are able to be honest and all get our say.
The trick is consideration, remembering that even if we vehemently disagree with someone they still have a right to their opinion, and really their beliefs don’t have to negatively affect our lives anyway. It’s their life and experience after all.
Cheers
Kelly
@ Tina: welcome and I look forward to see you participating more.
@ Don: you are right, this is a subject that can be expanded on tremendously. It is easy to get carried away when we have a passion for what we believe in. Respect is thrown into the wind and hurting each other becomes common.
Probably the most valuable thing my parents taught me was to respect others and this has served me well so far throughout my 40 years. Ouch, did I just give my age away…:-)
Ok Monika this isn’t going to sound right but from your pic I had you at 30
@ Don: Hehehe…you can call me 30 any day. It is thanks to my heritage that keeps me looking fairly young. If I was born in Australia I would look a lot different already. Haven’t seen many Aussies chicks at 40 with nice skin and no sun damage.
Oops, hope that isn’t going to get me in trouble now.
@ Kelly: thank you and yes, I totally agree. You couldn’t have said it better to be honest.
Disagreeing while respecting one another for what we are should work a treat. We get our messages across and yet stay on acceptable terms with one another.
Hey Monika, congratulations are in order… your log just got some more Google love and is showing PR4 on my meter.
Its a month early, but I’ve been noticing some fluctuations in my own sites so it looks like its PR season again - bloggers will be blogging about it like mad!
As to the subject of your post - and yesterdays I’m totally in agreement with you. One of my own biggest “things” is injustice and it makes me angry whenever I see it. And being paid less that your worth is unjust.
I’ve read all the other comments on this and it seems the general consensus is while we are worth more and deserve to be paid a fair fee for our work, we’re fettered by the need to not just pay the bills, but to keep the dream of being independent by working for ourselves online alive.
I believe that, more than anything else keeps us from realizing our true potential.
I’m guessing you’ve already read and are living The Secret, as I am - so its doubly frustrating to know (and I mean really KNOW) that the money, respect and credibility IS bubbling up just under the surface - its coming as long as you continue to believe its already here.
If you haven’t already read it, get a copy of Wallace Wattle’s “The Science of Getting Rich” as it’s where The Secret came from and is a good way to keep re-affirming to yourself that the Law of Attraction is still working for you and the things you want are already on their way.
Then you will be able to throw off the shackles of X-amount of dollars per article and watch your own business thrive while you cherry pick the desperate needers-of-written-content’s pleas for your services at a premium rate!
Don’t you just love positive inspiration!
@ Terry: I love you my friend as you are dead right. I actually own Wallace Wattle’s book and have to cram it out of my bookshelf.
I thin k I already scared my first potential high paying client off as he never replied to my quotes. LOL, ces’t la vie.
Anyway I’m now cool as a cucumber knowing what is mine is on its way and thanks to my great readers the ball has already started rolling.
As for the PR update, I blogged about that yesterday on Gob’s blog as I noticed my new rank. But according to the comments nobody else has seen a change.
Maybe I got an early present. Great to see you here again I kind of missed you. But since you got your nose stuck in the niches I kind of understand.
Hell, that reminds me….
Hi Monika,
I think your post is exactly on target. When I was working as a hospital social worker, I used to sit on the hospital ethics committee. The chairperson started every meeting by reminding us that people of goodwill who absolutely had the best interest of the patients at heart could still disagree with each other. We had some spirited and even heated discussions on that committee, but I’m happy to say none of them turned hostile or abusive.
@ Debra: exactly, often when we have heated discussions with people who respect each other we actually learn the most.
It’s a little like brainstorming.
I think Covey said it best when he said, ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’
Yeah - that’s right — i just pulled out a Covey quote. I’m not embarrassed at all.
@ Kelly: hey there is nothing wrong at all with good ol Stephen. I love his stuff too.
Ha! There’s gold in them thar hills!
My casino review work has tailed off a little for the mo so I’ve found some time to relax a bit and read some blogs - its nice to come and say hi to you.
The niches work is still piled up but its not going anywhere, so I just go through it as and when. Its so nice to be able to say, “I’ll do the work when I decide,” not when a boss says “I want it done yesterday.”
I love working for myself!!!
I know you do too
@ Terry: I bet you are glad to take a breather for a while. My gosh you done enough writing for a year. LOL. As you said, I too love working from home. I still have to pinch myself every now and then to make sure I really don’t have a boss anymore.
Wooohooo…