Sizzling Tips To Stay Calm In A Verbal Hurricane
With plenty of recent agro (aggravation) in the blogosphere and many bloggers locking horns in the process it isn’t always easy to stay calm. We act with emotions and feelings and sometimes they can get the better of us before we can pull back and take a second more objective look at the situation.
I’ve had my own fair share of these hurricane moments when my temperament boiled over and I was talking before thinking. When I’m in those moments I don’t really care much for the other person, but after the situation has passed I sometimes regret what I said and unfortunately I can’t take the words back.
I’m also the person who always remembers AFTER, what the really cool thing to say would have been. Oh well, not to worry since engaging into verbal arguments really doesn’t help either party in the end (except maybe to let of extra pressure and steam).
So what can we do in those moments to stay cool?
Here are my top sizzling tips for absolute (or near) verbal hurricane control
- Never ever respond to your opponent when you are upset, stressed or even tired. Try to detach yourself from the situation and come back to it later when you calmed down.
- Don’t scream! Your argument will be much more effective if delivered in a more quiet voice. It sometimes helps to deflect the other persons anger.
- Negativity sucks in the best of times. If people constantly drag you down with negative statements and comments, turn your back. You will be glad you did.
- Look at the situation objectively. Try to see the other persons view and understand it somehow. I know, it isn’t easy when we are upset but it does help to find a solution faster if that is your wish.
- Listen! Really listen to what the other person is saying. It is too easy to misunderstand others when we are in the middle of a heated argument.
- Breathe deeply and counts slowly to ten. I know this is an old tip, but it does work.
- Laugh. Seriously, have you ever tried to defuse a full on row with laughter? It’s a great way to see the less serious side to the whole thing.
- Ok, so you are REALLY annoyed and there is no way the other person will shut up or walk away from the argument. Fine, shut of your mind, let them rant and when they run out of steam ask them calmly whether they have finished, then say “thank you for telling me how you feel” and walk away.
- Phone a friend. This might sound like an episode from “How to be A Millionaire” but friends have this amazing trait to helps us come back to earth again.
- Update, thanks to Tanja (Tanja contact me and I’ll link to your site): Remember that no one has the right to make you feel sad or angry or unhappy or unsatisfied. They will gain that right if you give it to them.
Are you calm yet? Maybe you have your own true and tried methods on avoiding a verbal hurricane. Let me know if you do please.
Monika
About the Author: I'm a passionate freelance writer and problogger. To further build my business I'm also in the process of building my own niche empire which pays me residual income.
Mike | May 16, 2008 | Reply
I don’t necessarily have a suggestion, but I do have a question. Is your temperament more even and managable when you follow a consistent yoga practice?
I’ve found that either quietly meditating for a short while or just doing a Sun Salutation in the morning seems to carry over throughout my day. I have never really practiced yoga with an instructor, but these two simple things seem to point my day in the right direction.
However, I still have my moments. : )
Terry Didcott | May 16, 2008 | Reply
Hi Monika,
I know its been a while already – time does vanish fast when there’s a big freelance job to get finished! Nice post! I could use some calming down with whats been going on the last couple of days – hacked again, catching the swine and calling them out then having them cause me to lose my Bidvertiser account…
Ha! Adsense all over again! I’ve been spitting feathers with those assholes with their thrid rate ad service who will *not* listen to reason!
So its nice to come of here and chill a while!
Ho hum, a day in the life of an IM’er haha!
One day I’ll look back on all these days of trials and tribulations and smile…
Terry
Brett Legree | May 16, 2008 | Reply
Monika,
Great post and I *absolutely* love that picture!
What do I do, hmm – I use #9 and talk to a friend (beer with friends helps too), in general I just try to walk away from it.
Exercise helps, or listening to really loud music (I have lots of that!), or perhaps even video games. Just something to take the mind off of it.
And then, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. That usually helps.
-Brett
Friar | May 16, 2008 | Reply
Monika
Hahahah! I have to laugh at “agro”. Haven’t heard that one in a while. Hardly anyone in North America uses that, but I know exactly where you’re coming from (I had an Ozzie girlfriend once).
By the way, thanks for the link, eh!?
. Yeah, with all the B.S. going on in life, my choices are to either explode (get agro), cry, or laugh. I dont’ always succeed, but my preference is to laugh. Blogging especially helps me do this.
I also like venting with a buddy over a beer. Brett and I do this on a regular basis with another buddy (The Fallen One). Once we get our bitching out of they way, we start generating great ideas and creative syngery. This is how Brett encouraged me into writing in the first place.
In fact, tonight is beer night as we speak.
Friar | May 16, 2008 | Reply
Brett
Remember that course we took last year? They said walk a mile in the other person’s shoes.
Because then you’re a mile away from the dude, and you got his shoes!
Brett Legree | May 16, 2008 | Reply
Yeah, I remember that – that’s why I have so many pairs of shoes!
Monika | May 16, 2008 | Reply
@ Mike: yes for sure! I find that while I practice yoga I’m much more balanced throughout the day and don’t get stressed out easy.
I love sun salutations myself. They are just the best for keeping nimble and focused, don’t you think?
Another thing I often do is meditate just before bed time and it makes for the best sleep ever. Thanks for your contribution.
Monika | May 16, 2008 | Reply
@ Terry: aw shucks, I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t believe you were hacked again! Gee, it seems that so many bloggers get to feel the doom of those hackers in the last few months.
I hope you can sort this out. If you need a hand with the bashing bit, I’m here you know.
Did you ever try Yahoo ads instead? Not sure how good they are, but might be an option for you. I know it isn’t G and all, but it looks like you are really being stuffed about.
What a joke.
Monika | May 16, 2008 | Reply
@ Brett: Wearing another pair of shoes is something that is hard as well as very gratifying in the end.
Beer certainly sounds great too, but I’m sure you agree it wouldn’t be the answer to the “real problem”.
Loud music on the other hand, wow, I’m with you there my friend. I love listening to loud music to regulate my fraying nerves when it comes to doing the household duties. LOL. The other day I spent a whole hour listening to one of my fauvourite from Pink Floyd. The Wall.
I mean, what else is there to say. It was actually you that inspired me to dig into it when you mentioned the other album (which I don’t have) in your post last week.
Monika | May 16, 2008 | Reply
@ Friar: Hey, I’m glad somebody understands this meaning.
That’s why I added a translation in brackets too for the general public.
Aussie girlfriend, wow. You’d be a master at the lingo then wouldn’t you. Pass me a stubbie will you, I want to do some bitching with you blokes.
Oh, you will have to relocate with Brett when he moves, I figure you’ll miss him even more with all the grey matter in your neck of the woods. Did you send that letter out you mentioned yesterday?
I can already picture the headlines in your local rag (ahem, sorry mag).
Monika | May 16, 2008 | Reply
@ Friar @ Brett: Hahaha…classic that one. Now here is a girl who hasn’t got many shoes at all (seriously). I know its hard to believe for your blokes, but there are women who don’t fantasize over shoes, but then what did you say before Brett about Greek statues and all…..
*cackle cackle*
Brett Legree | May 16, 2008 | Reply
@Monika,
Oh, I agree… beer just clouds the issue
but definitely the loud music, sometimes it is Pink Floyd, sometimes my Viking metal, sometimes it is European hard trance… the dance music is good in the car 
It’s funny, I had a little Pink Floyd renaissance of my own after I wrote that!
Brett Legree | May 16, 2008 | Reply
@Monika,
LOL oh, I believe you, Cathryn thinks I’m weird with my shoes… (I bought a $240 pair in New Zealand, and it had nothing to do with “Paula from Portugal” either…)
Yeah, I’ll have to stuff Friar in my suitcase when I leave, I’ll miss him for sure.
-Brett
Friar | May 16, 2008 | Reply
ARgh.
As usual, I left another comment, and it got lost.
Agro.
Monika | May 17, 2008 | Reply
@ Brett: I spent @240 bucks before for shoes. Ecco shoes and hiking boots, both are great and long living though.
I know, all the girrrls will go “but what about the Jimmi Choo’s”? Oh well, we can’t all beat each other to the sales now can we.
Friar in a suitcase, now let me try to picture that….
……..
hahahahaha……hilarious.
Monika | May 17, 2008 | Reply
@ Friar: oh my, is it perhaps that those “grey matters” are finally getting to you? Mmhh…seriously, I have no idea where you left that comment. It wasn’t in the spam folder and you are approved, so should be good to go. Unless of course you went to the wrong blog.
Now that is a thought. *giggle
Friar | May 17, 2008 | Reply
Monika
I was going to say (before my comment got lost) that I’ve learned quite a bit of Ozzie lingo (from my former girlfriend a few years back).
Choccie, prezzies, cordial, Tim-Tams, stuffed, Hungry Jack’s, agro..etc.
Never understood Vegemite, though (or beetroot on a hamburger..that is so WRONG!)
We Canadians grew up with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which Ozzies for some reason find revolting.
Got stung by a blue bottle jellyfish once. Had to snorkel wearing a “stinger suit”.
I did learn to drive on the wrong side of the street…in roundabouts. With the stick shift on the other side (I was pretty proud of that one!)
Monika | May 17, 2008 | Reply
@ Friar: wow, you do have a very good grasp of our lingo. We sheila’s give you blokes a run for your Vegemite though.
Now hold that thought on that peanut butter and jelly sani. Gross man…gross…eek. You are not serious are you?
Bluebottles are deadly in some instances. It seems you were lucky enough. Did you know that wearing womens stockings while swimming (no kidding) can protect you from stingers?
Not particularly sexy and definitely not what I would do, but I heard some quite favor this look.
Brett Legree | May 17, 2008 | Reply
We have Tim-Tams the Splat Creek Trading Post (believe it or not, Friar!)
Friar | May 18, 2008 | Reply
@Monika
Yes, totally serious about peanut-butter and jelly, or peanut butter and jam sandwiches. Almost every kid growing up in N.America eats them, at one point or another (I still occasionally eat them myself)
Stupid Blue Bottles. The one that got me were the kind that dont’ kill you, they just sting. A local at the beach said “No worries mate”, he’d been swimming there for 30 years, he never got stung, mate.
It was only my 5th time in the pacific ocean (ever) and I got zapped on the leg. Holy shit, it hurt like a sonnavabitch for 45 minutes.
Of course, I know all about the box jellies. Nasty critters. Cardiac arrest , and all that. WOW!
We snorkeled in the Whitsundays and we had to wear those suits (not unlike nylon stockings). The guide told us there were these small jelly fish, mabye 1 cm in size. They wont’ kill you but you’d have to be Medi-vacced out with a helicopter and spend some time in intensive care.
Christ, why does everything in Oz want to bite you or kill you?
Still, it was a great trip, and I cant’ wait to go back.
Friar | May 18, 2008 | Reply
@Brett
Yeah, I noticed the Tim Tam’s too (at the Cheezi-Mart..of all places).
They don’t have bread or hotdog buns or fresh fruit, but they’ll have Tim Tams. Go figure.
Needless to say, I bought a box.
Monika | May 18, 2008 | Reply
@ Brett: how cool, you guys are really international then. Even for a small town like Splat Creek.
Maybe your Major is Australian and he wanted a constant supply.
Monika | May 18, 2008 | Reply
@ Friar: hey, I don’t want to kill you OR bite you. But you’re right. We have the highest number of deadly and poisonous animals in the world (at least I think so).
You learn to live with it though and while we had two Eastern brown snakes in our garden this year I haven’t come across any critters, except the red back spiders who are everywhere. But then I’m not really a big fan of being in THE ocean, I prefer being ON TOP of the ocean any day.
Your experience was very unfortunate as accidents really only happen rarely compared to car accidents.
Still, too many scary animals in the water; sharks, stingers, water snakes you name it. Did I now scare the world off coming to Australia. A good travel agent I am. NOT.
You have bears and wolves and “grey matter”, so your neck of the woods aren’t much saver either. LOL
ebele | May 19, 2008 | Reply
I had a bit of an uncalled-for online confrontation once. Was initially hard to walk away from as I could see us potentially going back and forth forever. Glad I walked away from it. Sometimes there’s no better reply than no reply.
Brett Legree | May 19, 2008 | Reply
@Monika,
Well, there are a few Aussies here, and probably some Kiwis as well.
Rutherford really kickstarted the Canadian nuclear program and he’s on the Kiwi $100 bill…