Flatliners: Call Yourself A Profeshnul?
This is another beauty from our crazy author Mark Pepper. Mark has finally got his website up and running… big wave everyone… but he still needs to get his mug shot to me so that I can create him a gravatar. Once this is accomplished Mark will get his own log in to this blog. Oh dear what am I going to do so that he can be let lose on the rampage all by himself (err… on second thoughts I might have to rethink this idea!)
“Good morning, Mr Pepper, I’ll be operating on you today. How are you feeling?”
“A little nervous.”
“Oh, don’t worry, you only need one appendix to get by.”
“What?”
“Yes, honestly, you only need the one.”
“I only have one.”
“When did you lose the other?”
“Humans only have one appendix.”
“Gosh, you’ll need a transplant, then.”
“Nurse, could I have my clothes, please?”
“Need to Google the procedure on that one …”
“I don’t need my appendix to survive; no one does.”
“Really? You sound quite knowledgeable. Would you know what it looks like? Where it might be?”
“Nurse!”
“I love using that little knife thingy – so sharp. It’s called a scapula, you know.”
“Scalpel. A scapula is a shoulder blade. Nurse!”
“Ah, both blades, you see; easy to get confused. So … the appendix … I was thinking … near the testicles? I’m right, aren’t I? I’ll start there anyway.”
“NURSE!”
How would you feel if your surgeon didn’t know your arse from your elbow – literally? You’d be fairly horrified, I imagine. So why is it that in the arts you can get away with Blue Murder? Because you can. There seems to be an attitude towards artistic endeavours that anyone can pursue them, and it’s okay to be … what’s the word I’m looking for?
Crap.
Yes, I’m being a snob here, and I’m certainly taking it for granted I’m not in that category, but if we’re being totally honest about this, there’s an awful lot of crap art out there. Crap painting, crap acting, crap sculpture, and reams of crap writing. It wouldn’t be so bad if we were talking about purely amateur efforts, but we’re not.
Don’t get me wrong – everyone should have access to the arts, and everyone should be able to try their hand at them, but that doesn’t mean we should all turn professional.
Define professional
The Collins English Dictionary defines “professional” in eight ways. Five of them refer to payment as a prerequisite, two cite a high degree of competence or skill, and one mentions merely belonging to a profession. Then you look at the entry before, and you see that “profession” is defined in the first instance as “an occupation that requires special training”. Whichever way you look at it, you should be extremely competent at what you do to call yourself a professional.
Writing is an art. It is a craft. It is a skill. It is a profession. The requisite “special training” can certainly be self-administered if an initial flair exists, but however that education is acquired, a professional writer should know his art inside out and be always striving to learn more. Your learning curve should not be a flat line that occasionally pings a millimetre as you stumble across a word you’ve always spelt wrong. That’s the heart-trace of a man barely alive.
Not seeing red
Why is this lax attitude tolerated? What’s wrong with self-improvement? Why is that such a quaint, outmoded notion? My year as a teacher showed me just how dire it has become. Teachers in the UK are told not to correct more than a few mistakes in a page of writing. If a kid makes thirty spelling mistakes and twenty grammatical or syntactical errors, woe betide the teacher who points out more than five misspelled words, and then with no more than a little red dot beside each one. The new theory is that too much red ink is upsetting for the child. It undermines their confidence. Ah, bless. Forget the fact that – if not caught early – they will most likely continue to make those mistakes for the rest of their lives. How undermining will that be?
This is a call to action. This is a call to all writers who actually care about their art to get their heads into dictionaries and thesauri; to study the wonderful nuances of the English language; to educate themselves regarding correct English usage. I know I break rules at times; I’ve been known to start sentences with “and”, “but” and “because”, and I use colloquialisms when it suits. It’s called artistic licence. Knowing the rules does not prevent you from breaking them for effect.
Any writer who cares about the craft should be researching it, reading the great works, soaking up new words, checking spelling, studying grammar and syntax, and experimenting with it all. That doesn’t mean you have to become a bore and start speaking in some strange language all your own. A case in point: my old headmaster spoke Cooperian. One winter’s morning in assembly he announced that “there is to be no gratuitous redistribution of nature’s benevolence”. In other words, don’t throw snowballs. No one understood – probably not even the teachers – and we all went outside and began pelting each other. The information you gather is your armoury. It’s there if you need it. It gives you options and the chance to ring the changes when required.
Gr8 werk, kidz!
What I’m afraid of is that we’ll all one day be reading novels and articles written in mobile text language and riddled with errors, which no one will dare criticise because wrong will have become the new right. It’s already started. School examiners in the UK are told to award marks for the general gist and not pay too much attention to stupid things like spelling and grammar. “Charls Dikkins rote Gr8 Ekspectayshuns” will get you a solid pass these days. I’m deadly serious. It’s why UK exam results have been improving year on year for the past twenty-six years, and it’s why the poor sods who end up having to employ these kids are complaining more and more that their employees are coming to them unable to read or write properly. What happens when this reaches its logical (though insane) conclusion and everyone ends up receiving straight As? There are no more good jobs out there than there were twenty years ago. It’s a breeding ground for delusion, disillusionment, and resentment.
The King is in the altogether …
I blame modern art. Someone leaves an unmade bed in the middle of a gallery at the Tate and nearly wins the Turner Art Prize. That’s one of the more sensible offerings. How about a room filled with white rice over neon tubes? Or a completely empty gallery where the light just goes on, off, on, off, on, off, ad infinitum? These are all past contenders for the Turner Art Prize. I reckon if I were to vomit in the middle of the Tate, some idiot would cordon it off and art critics would gather round, pontificating on what it meant.
However, as far as I’m concerned, this does not mean it’s okay for writers to produce the literary equivalent of such hogwash. The fact that Charles Saatchi later bought the unmade bed for £150,000 does not make it any more professional. It’s the Emperor’s New Clothes. It’s crap. A boxer turns professional when he starts earning money for his fights. If he subsequently gets knocked on his backside every time he steps in the ring, I’d say that’s still pretty amateur.
I make no apologies for taking this stance. I’m certainly not attacking writers because they may not be highly skilled. My argument is with any writer who doesn’t WANT to be highly skilled. If you’re thinking I’m out of line, perhaps you’re one of those people this is aimed at. Considering the message in my last blog, you may also think I’m contradicting myself. I’m not. What I did was offer a more philosophical approach to the oft-damaging quest for published author status; nowhere did I suggest writers should not care about the quality of their writing.
Albert Einstein is said to have defined insanity in the following way: “To continue to do what you’ve always done and somehow expect different results.”
Check your learning curve. Don’t let it flatline.
About the Author: I'm a passionate freelance writer and problogger. To further build my business I'm also in the process of building my own niche empire which pays me residual income.
Finola Prescott | Nov 11, 2009 | Reply
How timely. I’ve just been having a kitten over our local Cultural Development Foundation’s invite to exhibit as artists and craftspersons under one of two categories; Master or Up and Coming.
Their definition of Master was anyone who’d won one award in any Visual Arts Category in the past – eg, Drawing, Decorative Craft, etc. Now, as a former jurist on that panel, I know that you were not required to be a Master to get such an accolade. It was more of an encouragement to ‘Up and Coming’ artists.
So all the professionals and experienced amateurs who happened not to have the requisite mediocre award to be called a Master would just have to settle for ‘Up and Coming’.
I digress a bit from your point, but forgive me my state of fervor.
I forwarded your post to all concerned as not only is it relevant but highly enjoyable – thnx, woz gr8
Mary Anne | Nov 12, 2009 | Reply
I forwarded this wonderful and well-expressed rant to my writing and non-writing followers on Twitter. You’re 100 percent right for not making apologies for your stance. Plus you are just so fun to read!
George Angus | Nov 12, 2009 | Reply
Mark,
U R so right. The lazy acceptance of the mediocre is in the process of degrading so many important things. I think as writers we owe it to ourselves to spread our wings a bit and focus on doing exemplary work.
Another great one, buddy.
George
Denise | Nov 12, 2009 | Reply
This is just uncanny! I was just pondering my ability to be able to write with correct punctuation any more let alone grammar. Its been 40 years since my last English class. I have relied heavily on my word program to come up with the correct spell check but unfortunately punctuation is a little intimidating.
I am currently trying to correct both situations with my writings.
I agree with you on the school systems dropping the ball as far as teaching students the basics of proper grammar and punctuation. I am in horror when I hear how my grandchildren aren’t even learning the basics. My oldest granddaughter is graduating high school this year and doesn’t even know how to write a term paper. Its all about the test scores and state financing. Instead of challenging our children the school system seems to be dumbing down our children.
Avery | Nov 12, 2009 | Reply
Great article! This has made me think of all the news online that I read with sloppy writing. What do professional writers think of this? I’m actually a graphic designer so I’d really love to know from a writer’s perspective. Print doesn’t seem to be as bad but when online it seems like it’s more acceptable for bad grammar and spelling since it can be corrected at any time (although it generally isn’t). Is it OK to heckle a writer who is prone to doing this? It’s too tempting to resist at times and sometimes my strength fails me.
I wouldn’t feel like much of a professional at all if I were to let an ad run in the paper with bad type setting or wrong pricing/pictures. Is a writer letting an article get published (even online) with typo’s or other errors the equivalent?
Mark | Nov 12, 2009 | Reply
Thank you all for your feedback and positive comments – it’s great (as opposed to gr8, Finola) when this happens. I was a little worried I might offend a few people by straight talking in this way, but Monika told me not to care two jots (or words to that effect). She was right. I’m sure there are many people out there who despair as we seem to about the demise of the English language, both spoken and written, but I suspect that this is largely restricted to us older folk who remember how it felt to be hit in the head with a blackboard rubber if we didn’t know what an adjective was.
I am also aware that this is not the case in every country. Since coming to Spain 18 months ago, my ten-year-old daughter has been utterly bombarded with facts and figures in school, the like of which makes even my 1970s education look tame.
There needs to be a sea-change in the education systems of certain countries if we are ever to resurrect the standards necessary to avoid some quite irreversible damage. I know I am generalising when I say this, but I fear there is already one generation lost to the cause.
One day soon, I shall publish an extract here from an essay penned by a 21-year-old graduate about to start his Masters degree. Shocking does not begin to describe it. If I was his teacher, he’d still be failing kindergarten.
Thanks again, all. Keep it coming!
LIssie | Nov 12, 2009 | Reply
This is not new -all the grammar I learned was from Latin and French – that was the Scottish/New Zealand education system in the 60/70′s I remember my first draft of my honours thesis (in geology) had so many grammatical corrections in it – I had to retype it (pre-computers) to even see some of them!
What I learned to do over the years was to write very poorly – therefore the mistakes weren’t obvious
Typing on the Internet is a bit of a downer for that!
I think you should fit your style to the purpose – I swear on my blog (and I don’t think Monika gives a “jot” about anything – the Australian term doesnt’ start with “j”) – as I do in real life – but I, probably, won’t swear on other people’s.
I use dashes when I should probably use a semi-colon too – but the dash looks better IMHO – and yes I use some of the more useful text-speaks (is that hypenated?) – in fact there is a long Eng. printing trad. of using shortened forms i.e. short form which have many uses e.g. saving ink and expensive paper. These days instead of op.cit. references we IMHO self-reference !
Monika | Nov 12, 2009 | Reply
This is a great discussion and one I feel qualified to join and unqualified not to for various reasons.
Let me start with the qualification part: As many of you know, I’m not an English born writer and as Mark has told me before, some of my grammar tends to get knocked sideways because of the German – English translation.
However, despite my failure to hit the mark spot on at all times I have been told many times over that my English is in fact better than 95% of the English native speaking population, therefore I do feel qualified to discuss Mark’s post from my point of view.
A recently acquired new client told me I was the best writer he’s ever employed after working with 200 odd native speaking writers – not sure whether this speaks much for most of the so called freelance writers out there, but it did make my heart go all fuzzy and my chest swell up in utter pride.
On the downside, I do know I have much to learn. To me English grammar poses several challenges, because everything is back to front from what I was taught in school with a German based education.
I strive to be a better writer today than I was the day before. Some days I succeed, other days I don’t.
Here is where things get a little more complicated: In the online world of freelance writing most clients visible to the hungry starving crowd are not prepared to pay well enough to justify hiring a highly qualified writer who understands the finer nuances of grammar and more.
This in my humble eyes is one of the main factors why the quality of online writing is often so bad – who do you think writes all the blog posts, newsletters and articles you see on the websites you visit?
If clients were paying the rates a good writer demands they would soon go bankrupt because they simply couldn’t sustain themselves long term. I also think because of the fast-paced nature of the Internet people (or shall I say most people) don’t give two hoots about the quality of the actual prose. What they REALLY want is information.
Corporate writing on the other hand does pay very well and the standard of it is generally higher than elsewhere. But finding those type of jobs isn’t easy and unless one has the right connections it is much harder to fetch those jobs.
I hear you Mark, I do know you well enough by now to understand why you wrote this post and I do agree with the scope of your post.
Hopefully you also get what I am trying to say and that because of those reasons the general quality of writing sucks, not to mention the certain lack of education these days.
Great post indeed.
mark | Nov 13, 2009 | Reply
Thanks Avery.
Monika has made some pertinent points regarding information being the overarching concern of website owners, and I can see that.
Personally, however, when I am scouring the internet looking to make a purchase and I land on a site that is poorly written, I go elsewhere, even if that means I have to pay a little more.
My rationale here is that I become a little suspicious of the website owner’s intelligence and I am not keen on doing any sort of business with people lacking in grey matter. If I have a problem with my purchase and the vendor really is daft, our subsequent communication will suffer. I accept this view is riddled with holes, but it’s my gut reaction when I land on an “unprofessional” site. I just move on.
Cheers for joining the fray!
Avery | Nov 14, 2009 | Reply
Monika, good point about the emphasis being on the information. As long as the information is still being communicated in an easy to understand manner I’m certainly not going to stop going to a website because of spelling.
I do agree with Mark when it comes to purchasing though. If someone is selling their services to me and present themselves in an incompetent manner then I’m going to assume that the service will be equally as incompetent. I recently went online to get pricing on embossed business cards and came across a website called PrintingBlue (I hope they didn’t pay for a writer). Their unnecessary description of what business cards are was quite frightening.
Monika | Nov 14, 2009 | Reply
@ Avery: Hahaha… I agree with you so much. I certainly see what Mark is trying to communicate. He is right with everything he said no doubt. I simply added my own perspective from the other side of the argument (and no, I certainly don’t advocate bad writing at all.)
The topic lends itself to numerous discussions about price vs quality and then some more. In the end there will always be two sides of the argument; those with enough pride to craft their skill to perfection – regardless of the venture or industry; and those who simply don’t give a damn about quality because all they want is either cheap content or fast profits.