All Aboard the World’s Last Bandwagon

Apparently, the world is going to end on December 21^st next year. Bummer, eh? I had some plans into 2013. Breathing was one of them. Alas, it is not to be. The Mayans with their pesky Long Count calendar predicted the world will end late on December 21^st 2012, so that’s it. Come off that diet you just started. Eat deep-fried everything. Have an affair. Fall out with that family member you’ve always hated. Send me all your money – you don’t need it any more. None of it matters. We’re all going to die.

Call me an old cynic, but I’m not cancelling my gym membership.

Do you recall a song from the musical Hair back in the sixties? Even if you’re not that ancient, you’ll no doubt have heard it. It’s actually a medley of two songs: Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In.

In case you’re still an embryo, though, and haven’t heard it, it’s a jolly little ditty all about the coming of the Age of Aquarius in which we will all start to embrace peace, love, understanding, harmony, joy … all that good hippy shit.

When does the Age of Aquarius begin? The 22^nd December 2012. The day after our current Age of Pisces ends on the 21^st December 2012.

But, Mark, I hear you sob, surely we’re all going to be dead by then.

Nah. I’m not an expert, but here goes.

Although big shifts and changes were predicted by the Mayans as galactic alignments took their toll (the weird weather we’re having of late?), both ancient and present Mayans did/do not hold with the portending of total disaster currently attached to that date. It is only since the seventies that filmmakers, writers and all manner of individuals out to make a quick buck have leapt on that date and twisted it to their own ends.

I mean, come on … THE END OF DAYS … dah dah daaaaaaaaaaah. I’ve had lots of those. Then I get up in the morning.

There are various interpretations of how the Mayan Long Count calendar works, but this seems to rise through the mire as the most compelling:

It’s all about galactic alignments and so on, but basically an Age is a Galactic Day. It’s a bloody long day, because it lasts 25,625 years in human terms. Each Age is divided into five 5,125-year cycles, and each cycle is represented by a Mayan Long Count calendar. The 21^st December 2012 is the last day of the last cycle of the Age of Pisces, and the end of the current Long Count calendar.

The equivalent of any sadness being attached to this final calendar day would be you bawling your head off as you throw your old calendar in the trash on New Year’s Eve because you think the end of a calendar means there can be no tomorrow. In fact, what do we do on New Year’s Eve? We celebrate, which is exactly what the Mayans thought/think we should be doing as the Age of Aquarius approaches. In fact, the Mayans thought that anyone alive to see in a new Age was incredibly fortunate, with it only happening once every 25,625 years.

So, what does this have to do with writing? Well, honestly, it’s tenuous. I’m just airing grievances, really – as usual. But if I was to link it, I’d have to say that what we have with the whole 2012 phenomenon is a perfect example of a bandwagon in motion, and more than a few of the writing profession have hopped on board.

In one way, whoever first took the happy pink convertible that used to be 2012 and transformed it into the ominous black 18-wheeler it is today was a genius. It’s not a genre in itself – it belongs in the horror section, probably – but it’s its very own sub-genre, much like vampires or zombies, and that’s a pretty neat trick for anyone to pull off.

In other ways, though, it was a pretty insidious exercise, because too many people now seem to be genuinely convinced that they only have a couple of years to live. To make matters worse, there are charlatans out there who are offering newsletters and instructions (at a price) on how to survive the apocalypse to anyone daft enough to think these doom-mongers could possibly know what the eff this coming cataclysm will look like.

A solar flare will burn the earth to a crisp, so use your sunscreen and stand in the shade of a big palm tree wearing a sombrero sipping an ice cold Evian. That’s 25 bucks, thank you. An asteroid will smash into the earth with the explosive force of a trillion Hiroshimas, so draw the drapes to guard against flying glass and get under a sturdy table. Let’s call it a round $50 (until next month).

You know what? I think the world is in trouble – big trouble – and I think something pretty horrendous could easily happen before the end of 2012 that will forever change the face of the world and at least begin to change the mind of mankind.

But I prefer to think that’s a good thing, because in the long run we can’t carry on the way we’ve been going. We’ve had a bad Galactic Day, and tomorrow needs to be better. Whatever may befall us, I hope it will augur in the change in attitude we all need to move forward more happily in our new Age.

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeet the Sun Shine In, people.

(Of course, if I’m wrong about this, you can harangue me as we all form an orderly queue at the Pearly Gates.)