Pocket Lenses

The older I get, the more easily I am annoyed by little things. My wife has said that many times, but I’m sure I have no idea what she’s referring to.

Anyway, I have seen over the past few months several email messages wherein the sender has said they will be “out of pocket” for a certain time. The first occasion I saw this I wondered why anyone would let me know about their day-to-day expenses. Like I give a crap. As far as I’m concerned, “out of pocket” means, has always meant, and will forever mean that the person has had to spend their own money on something when they didn’t expect to do so, and/or when they are awaiting reimbursement, as in “out of pocket expenses”.

So when I received this: I will be out of pocket and have no email access for two days, my natural assumption was that the sender was so short of cash they had been unable to pay their internet bill and it had been suspended.

On second reading, it became clear that the sender meant “out of contact”. After receiving such messages several times, I input said phrase into Google and, in the Urban Dictionary, the answer was revealed. Recently, the phrase has been adopted in certain business circles to mean “out of contact”.

How strange. There is no earthly reason why “pocket” should substitute for “contact”. In that case, I lost some money the other day because I had a hole in my contact; guerrilla fighters will have to group themselves into contacts of resistance; I will have to tell my Dad I will keep in pocket with him on a regular basis; I may also have to wear pocket lenses when my eyesight starts to fail.

I also hate the phrase “Way to go!” I used it once and never again. I was in a restaurant, very thirsty, and I was asked for my drinks order. I said, “Way to go!”, and he did. I had to go to the bar instead.

“Heads up” also pisses me off. Thanks for the heads up. A person of the American persuasion told me it’s a baseball term, used to warn spectators that a baseball is heading their way.

I don’t like it. I don’t want it used in business. I don’t even think it should be used in baseball. If you go to a baseball match and you are inspecting your crotch rather than watching the game, then you deserve to have a baseball embed itself in your forehead. It would also suffice to be slapped around the back of the head by the person sitting behind you to make you pay attention, but I think the baseball option is preferable for the purpose of poetic justice.

I feel SO much better.